|
So I usually tell
parents, "You can't really talk with toddlers about motivational
issues. They lack the sophistication and insight needed to
meaningfully talk about heart issues." What a parent must do with a
toddler is present the standard of God's law using good robust words.
One might say, "Honey, you must give that toy back to your brother. He
was playing with it. It is selfish for you to take it from him. That
is not serving your brother. Jesus says we should be kind to others."
The parent is setting
out an expectation and providing biblical terms to describe sin
(selfish) and righteousness (serving, kind). It would be fruitless to
ask the toddler what he was thinking or feeling at the time. He lacks
both the grammar and the insight to respond.
So, for the young
child, the proper intervention is to direct appropriate behavior and
provide biblical descriptions of what is wrong and what would be
right.
Another common
misunderstanding of shepherding relates to older children. Many have
the idea that since we are shepherding hearts, not just requiring
behavior, we cannot hold our children to a standard. One dad said, "I
did not want to be a legalist and tell him he had to share with his
sister, I wanted to shepherd his heart."
There are three
things wrong with this statement. 1) It is not legalism to require
children to do what is right. Legalism is a false path of salvation.
Legalism is the idea that I can earn acceptance before God by doing
what is right. 2) Shepherding the heart does not mean I cannot tell
him to share with his sister. Telling my son to share with his sister
is appropriate. God's law calls him to do that; Dad has no right to
lower God's standard. 3) Shepherding the heart is about
maintaining biblical standards.
Shepherding a child's
heart tells me how to maintain those standards.
Shepherding means I come to him as a humble person who understands how
hard it is to share. It means I appeal to his conscience that
instructs him that sharing is right. Shepherding means I encourage him
that God can give grace to share even when it is hard to do. If he is
old enough to deal with abstract concepts, shepherding means I help
him understand the ways his unwillingness to share expresses love of
self rather than love for God that would enable him to love his
sister.
The goal in all this is to help children understand how profoundly
they need the grace and mercy of God. The law of God is the
schoolmaster that leads to Christ.
The End
|
